Posts

Run, Goblin! Run!

 Patent US20170311817A9: Heart rate playback machine.

Finally, a heart rate tracking machine for Gollum. The guy looks like he grew up in the epicenter of Chornobyl.  As always, love the hands. Pretty sure the left hand only has four fingers and the smallest, most diminutive thumb you ever did see feebly attempting to make a fist. The drafter must have started with the left hand, looked at it, and decided stumps would look much better for the right hand. 

A historical picture of Gollum running after the ring


Who Wants a Hug?

 Patent: US20080051716A1: Infusion pumps and methods and delivery devices and methods with same.

Guy doing the figures: "Okay, so we don't need anything complicated he-"

Guy with the money: "Give him massive arms." 

Guy doing the figures: "...wha-"

Guy with the money: "GIVE HIM MASSIVE ARMS."

Hug me. I love you.
Love that they strived for the most unassuming-looking face ever conceived, but they couldn't resist making him JACKED.

Top Tier Patent Humans: Head of Terror

 Patent US20070037615A1: Wireless communication headset with RF module for accessory speaker and system utilizing same.

This next figure embodies all of the qualities I look for in a "patent human." Horrifying, obtuse, and, most importantly, decidedly inhuman. Nothing says, "I have an important invention" like a malformed horror with blank, glassy eyes staring into the abyss. AAAAAAAAH!

Graciously, we are also provided a profile view of this particular specimen, in case one was curious about the details of the disfigured anatomy. Note how the comically large jaw is retained throughout the figures. That's attention to detail right there. 
I'm so glad that I didn't have to try and image what that head would look like from the side. Thank goodness the artist let us know.